I Don't Like Bedtimes!
I don't like bedtimes, they make me feel bad,
I get all hot and bothered and that makes me mad.
I toss and I turn and I get all fed up!
Then Dad comes with cocoa in my favourite cup.
"I'm not ready to sleep!" I yell at my Dad.
He tells me I must and that makes me sad.
But I could not drop off, try as I might,
This time I thought, I'd be up all night.
I got up in the morning feeling totally rotten,
Mum's told me before but I must have forgotten.
"If you moan and groan on your way up to bed,
You'll wake in the morn like a bear with a sore head!
But if you skip up to bed with a big cheesey grin,
You'll be right off to sleep before Dad tucks you in!"
I sloped off to school feeling dreadful that morning,
I sat at my desk and thought of Mum's warning.
Too tired to learn made my schoolday a chore,
I needed some sleep, my bed I longed for.
So when I went off to bed, later that night,
Dad gave me a kiss and tucked me in tight.
"And remember sweet dreams when you close your eyes!"
But I'd already gone, and that's no surprise!
______
Any comments would be great guys thanks!
on the whole I really liked it, the concept and flow is good - I think some areas need polishing, but that should be done with a writer - My advice for the drawing is stay away from being too literal, and of course be humorous! Contradictory visuals are often an interesting way of illustrating text
ReplyDeleteim going to try my best to make it as fun and interesting as possible! ive researched writers online but didnt have much luck! ill keep looking! thnks for the f.back!
ReplyDeletehey vicki i like this story, yeah there are a few little parts i would tweak but it looks good and its a sweet story. the rhythm of the rhyming fits pretty well, good stuff! x
ReplyDelete