Monday, 28 March 2011

new story!

Ive taken your advice chiu and decided to do a smaller side project to keep myself from getting too bogged down with the owl and the pussycat. As I've used a found story for my other book, I decided to try my hand at writing my own story this time. I quite like it! I'm not sure how many pages I will actually do to a finished state, or even how many pages it will be at this point! But here is the story..

Home, Sweet Home

Henry the hedghog was very lost. That morning he had left his mum to go sunbathe in his usual sunny spot, when suddenly he was picked up by something much bigger than him, and started travelling at much faster speeds than was normal for hedgehogs like Henry!
Henry rolled up into a little ball and hoped it would all be over soon.
At least thats what he thought had happened..
Owwwww moaned Henry.
See, ever since that bump Henry couldnt really remember anything!
He couldnt remember his way back home, and thinking about it, he couldnt even remember what his home looked like!
Glumly he stumbled along wondering if he would ever see his brothers or sisters again, and after a couple of hours of hedgehog paced wandering, Henry hadnt gotten any closer to finding them. He sat back and started to cry.
Oh what ever could be the matter? a big badger had come over even bigger than whatever had picked him up that morning!
Well I cant remember what my home looks like! he sniffed.
Oh dear..! How about you come see where I live, maybe it will ring some bells. Kindly said the badger, who led him down a hole, and down, and down, and down!
OH, I dont think this is right. Its much too dark, and way too big for me!
Henry thanked the badger and carried on his journey.
Before long Henry got talking to a blackbird.
Maybe you live where I live! Come on, Ill show you She took him in her claws up, and up, and up!
It was very spiky and..
OH I dont think this is right. Its much too high, I dont like it at all!
The blackbird gently put him back down on the ground, Henry thanked her and carried on his way.
Looking around him, Henry tried very hard to think of his home He didnt think it was high in a nest like the blackbird, but it seemed much too dark and underground in that burrow with the badger too.
You look lost said a caterpiller who had wriggled up beside Henry without him noticing Can I help?
Henry explained his bump, his memory loss, and how now he couldnt find his way home. He felt himself begin to cry, but tried to be brave, and the caterpiller kindly offered to show Henry his home. Henry followed the caterpiller up and up the wobbly plant stalk, put one paw carefully on to the leaf ahead, then the other ..

I think Im a bit too big and heavy for where you live caterpiller! That cant be right either
Henry tried not to look too disappointed, thanked the caterpiller and stumbled on. It was beginning to get dark now, and it was Henrys feeding time hours ago. He shuffled his way through the thick leaves , where suddenly it started to smell very familiar He rummaged faster and faster until MUM!
Henrys mum took him into a big hug  and cried Oh Henry! Where have you been!? I was so worried.
 Oh mum I made so many friends! There was a really nice badger, and a..
Suddenly Henry wasnt so unhappy anymore, looking around his den at all his brothers and sisters, he snuggled into his mums arms and told them all of his adventure, with the big bump, the badger, the blackbird, and the caterpiller, and how he eventually found his way home, sweet home.

Any thoughts?


  1. okay, if it was my story, this is how I'd find feedback - find similar stories (because there are quite a few similar to this one) and strip down th structure, to analyze:
    tone of story
    repetitive nature
    growing conflict to conclusion
    use of language according to target age
    literal vs metaphorical
    image to text relationship

    a note on the last point. If you plan to make the images as literal as the the text, then either it's going to be for very young children, or it may not really engage older 5 to 8 year olds

  2. should have been your first port of call :) Find the comfy chairs :)